I Am Not My Friend

So that I have no reason not to write, I am going to answer a few of these questions this year.Here goes:

If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow this person to be your friend?

The answer to this question is simple. And yet it is not. 

The simple answer is this: I would not be a friend to this person for very long. I would be hurt. And hurt is not something I look for in friendship. I tend to withdraw from hurt.

The not so simple answer is this: I do not consider me a friend to myself. You see, I speak to myself poorly--and by poorly I mean down right mean, at times--because I know that, unlike a friend, I can never leave me. I have an expectation of at least a modicum of politeness from my friends. I think friendship deserves that. I want my friends to be honest--even brutally so at times--but I think it can be done in a respectful and kind manner. When I talk to me I dispense with the formalities of friendship. (Even as I wrote that last sentence I realized that honesty, respect and kindness are not the formalities of friendship, but rather the foundation blocks of friendship) Somewhere in the back of my mind I must think that I need or even deserve the negativity I spew at myself. As if I know myself better than my friends do. The truth is I only believe one perspective of myself if I can so denigrate me. It's a false perspective that I perpetuate by my own words.

It's time to look in the mirror and ask for forgiveness...kindly.