Friday, November 7, 2014

I Am Not My Friend

So that I have no reason not to write, I am going to answer a few of these questions this year.Here goes:

If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow this person to be your friend?

The answer to this question is simple. And yet it is not. 

The simple answer is this: I would not be a friend to this person for very long. I would be hurt. And hurt is not something I look for in friendship. I tend to withdraw from hurt.

The not so simple answer is this: I do not consider me a friend to myself. You see, I speak to myself poorly--and by poorly I mean down right mean, at times--because I know that, unlike a friend, I can never leave me. I have an expectation of at least a modicum of politeness from my friends. I think friendship deserves that. I want my friends to be honest--even brutally so at times--but I think it can be done in a respectful and kind manner. When I talk to me I dispense with the formalities of friendship. (Even as I wrote that last sentence I realized that honesty, respect and kindness are not the formalities of friendship, but rather the foundation blocks of friendship) Somewhere in the back of my mind I must think that I need or even deserve the negativity I spew at myself. As if I know myself better than my friends do. The truth is I only believe one perspective of myself if I can so denigrate me. It's a false perspective that I perpetuate by my own words.

It's time to look in the mirror and ask for forgiveness...kindly.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

A VOW

I will keep your heart.
..because I want you..
I will seize your moments of doubt and fill them with praise.
..because you are important..
I will soften the blows and calm the skies.
..because your peace is my peace..
I will forget our mistakes and relish kindness.
..because swimming is better than sinking..
I will mend your clothes, bad dreams, and wounds.
I will love you and yours.
I will nourish our bodies and souls with the remedies I know.
..because pumpkin pancakes make everyone smile..
I will feed our minds and spirits with Word from above.
..because I know the plans He has for us..
I will cover you in prayer and angels until protection is yours.
..because, like hope, I believe in you..
I will help you find boldness in shadow and strength in dark days.
I will love you and yours.
I will squeeze you tight and whisper funny things.
I will fluff your pillow and iron out all the details.
I will remember your birthday and big days and bad days.
..I will mend you..
I will keep your heart so close to mine that one will not be distinguishable from the other.
..because I need you..

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Where morality fails

Life tends to be an evolutionary tautology: that which survives and sustains itself (through fitness) is life, because life is, by definition, that which survives and sustains itself. Unfit ("maladaptive") life-forms eventually cease to bear offspring and slip through the cracks, leaving mere echoes in nature's graveyard. dead men tell no tales they'd say, though tales may be told of dead men. the same theme applies to ideas and character traits, doubly so if these are of genetic origin. Take morality and kindness, for instance.

Imagine a utopia where everyone in the population is kind to one another: when one falls, another steps in to help him up; trust is not even a word in their vocabulary because distrust doesn't exist so they've never had to define it! now introduce one schemer, someone who acts intelligently towards (solely) his own interest. The schemer will eventually game the entire population and if they don't learn to game the schemer (by becoming schemers themselves), they will be overrun. at the same time, if everyone becomes a schemer the population system starts to fail because a lack of victims means that schemes no longer pay off. neither of these extremes are sustainable. The former requires an absolute blissful ignorance (not likely), the latter becomes chaos (likely to fail)

One would think then that life may go on if civilization were to find a stable equilibrium, somewhere in between these extremes. one strategy might be to take the middle ground between morality and intelligence: you start off giving others the benefit of the doubt and treat them kindly, and reciprocate their reaction from then on. If they don't game you in response to your kindness, you trust them; if they game you, you game them back from then on. According the linked article, this middle ground between morality and intelligence, which lies very close to the heart of"fairness", is a golden rule for behavior, in a game-theoretic way. But in life there are no golden rules. Life's uncaring whims require a jeet kune do approach, a form of no forms and all forms whose roots lie in the golden paradox that "there are no golden rules." or as an older, wiser, less impulsive person might say: "even gold may erode with the ravages of time and circumstance."

It's not unwise to think that what should matter in determining the philosophy you apply to a situation is the totality of the situation at hand: all its specifics and all its context weighed together to devise the most efficient response. but efficiency is a dangerous word: it is always intelligent, but it may or may not be "moral". what happens when morality meets efficiency? can they be reconciled? what would be the essence of an efficient morality? We don't have to speculate, we can see it all around us: individuals banding together, exercising great kindness at local levels (family, friends, tribe, team, country) to advance their own cause but at the same time acting against the cause of others on a global level.

The truth is direct and simple: our own intelligence conspires with our circumstances to circumvent morality when it no longer yields a beneficial return. morality, it would seem, is situation-dependent. at some point it becomes un-scalable: the more people in a population, the harder it becomes to calculate an optimum solution for everyone and the easier it becomes to revert to self-interest.

Our chosen philosophical oxymoron of the day, efficient morality, would exist perhaps on the verge just before morality fails (as an adaptive strategy to life). Past that point lies a slippery slope to a cynic's Pyrrhic wet dream: an ocean of schemers.

The point of failure cannot be maneuvered solely by attempting to inculcate kindness in humans; a hungry man is an angry man. Biological impulse wins that race by a mile. We can, however, attempt to control the conditions that destabilize the verge IE to balance our behaviors we must attack the circumstances that generate them. in boring physical terms this means we must balance the supply and demand for resources by 1) controlling population growth and 2) working on new technologies to better provide (food, energy) for the population. this sounds neither noble nor glamorous, but it is necessary. If it's true what the cynics say -that moral actions barely exist outside the forms of a facade, a conspicuous commodity exchanged for kudos in the modern world- then as populations continue to grow, putting pressure on resources and making it impossible to provide for everyone, it is not improbable that we as a civilization are nearing a point where morality fails.

Some Thoughts


Feels so good to be back on blogger almost after 6 months. When i was in London, i use to work full time still had time to blog but after marriage, life has changed a lot. I have to take care of one more person- my better half. I am so lucky to have her in my life. This one year passed very quickly.

Back to the topic "Some Thoughts"

1. Things I'm not entirely sure how to pack include: a bowler hat.

2. Percentage of my floor I can currently see: 2%

3. My paper goods weigh disproportionately more than everything else I own combined. (But only as long as we're not counting the tree trunk I like to call a 'djembe.' Because it is a tree trunk.)

4. Why isn't my room packing itself? And paper work, why hasn't that been completed while I sleep? WHY,

5. If a pair of shoes are *perfect* for a number of outfits, but are also falling apart- do I bring them to Seattle because I want to look right or throw them out and figure I can buy a new pair when I get to the US? This is actually a serious question. Help. (Note, this applies to three pairs of shoes, all slightly different.)

6. I have sustained several mysterious injuries in the last week. The cut on my finger I remember, it was from paper cut, but the cut on my thigh? Seriously, how did that happen without my noticing?


7. Too many people to say goodbye to. So instead I'm hanging out on the internet. Productive!

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

YOU ARE UNIQUE

Think what a remarkable, unduplicatable, and miraculous thing it is to be you! Of all the people who have come and gone on the earth, since the beginning of time, not ONE of them is like YOU!
No one who has ever lived or is to come has had your combination of abilities, talents, appearance, friends, acquaintances, burdens, sorrows and opportunities.

No, one's hair grows exactly the way yours does. No one's finger prints are like yours. No one has the same combination of secret inside jokes and family expressions that you know.

The few people who laugh at all the same things you do, don't sneeze the way you do. No one prays about exactly the same concerns as you do. No one is loved by the same combination of people that love you - NO ONE!

No one before, no one to come. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY UNIQUE!

Enjoy that uniqueness. You do not have to pretend in order to seem more like someone else. You weren't meant to be like someone else. You do not have to lie to conceal the parts of you that are not like what you see in anyone else.

You were meant to be different. Nowhere ever in all of history will the same things be going on in anyone's mind, soul and spirit as are going on in yours right now.

If you did not exist, there would be a hole in creation, a gap in history, something missing from the plan for humankind.

Treasure your uniqueness. It is a gift given only to you. Enjoy it and share it!

No one can reach out to others in the same way that you can. No one can speak your words. No one can convey your meanings. No one can comfort with your kind of comfort. No one can bring your kind of understanding to another person.

No one can be cheerful and lighthearted and joyous in your way. No one can smile your smile. No one else can bring the whole unique impact of you to another human being.

Share your uniqueness. Let it be free to flow out among your family and friends and people you meet in the rush and clutter of living wherever you are. That gift of yourself was given you to enjoy and share. Give yourself away!

See it! Receive it! Let it tickle you! Let it inform you and nudge you and inspire you! YOU ARE UNIQUE!

Thursday, May 23, 2013

ગઝલ

સુખ વિશેની વ્યાખ્યા ગઝલમાં લખવામાં કલમ મરકી જાય છે
લાખ ટહુકા કોયલ કરે તો યે ચોમાસુ પણ ભટકી જાય છે

ખ્યાલ ભ્રામક છે..છતા ભરમાવું છું ગઝલમા મારી સદા
હું નથી પારંગત છતા યે મારી આ કલમ સરકી જાય છે

હોય છે સૂરજના ઘરે અંધારૂં એ સતત બોલ્યા તો કરૂં!!
કોઇ ઔરતને ચાંદની બોલી..તો ચાંદની ભડકી જાય છે

ના કળી,ના ખૂશ્બૂ..બગીચાની વાતો છતાં કાગળમા લખી
પ્રાસમાં અક્ષરોનું મરણ થાતા..તાજા ફુલો સળગી જાય છે

આ અઢી અક્ષરી પ્રેમના નામે કેવા અડપલા છે પ્રાસમાં
પ્રેમનાં નામે આ સમયની શાખે જિંદગી લટકી જાય છે

વારસાગત ના હો ખુમારી મારી..પણ ગઝ લખતા મે લખી
પ્યાસના નામે જિંદગી શાયરની..પ્રાસમા હરખી જાયછે

Monday, November 19, 2012

Story of a Soldier

A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home after having fought in Vietnam. He called his parents from San Francisco.

"Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've a favor to ask. I have a friend I'd like to bring home with me."
"Sure," they replied, "we'd love to meet him."
"There's something you should know the son continued, "he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mind and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us."
"I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live."
"No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us."
"Son," said the father, "you don't know what you're asking. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can't let something like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He'll find a way to live on his own."
At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him. A few days later, however, they received a call from the San Francisco police. Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide. The grief-stricken parents flew to San Francisco and were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something they didn't know, their son had only one arm and one leg.

The parents in this story are like many of us. We find it easy to love those who are good-looking or fun to have around, but we don't like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable. We would rather stay away from people who aren't as healthy, beautiful, or smart as we are. Thankfully , there's someone who won't treat us that way. Someone who loves us with an unconditional love that welcomes us into the forever family, regardless of how messed up we are.

Finally,
Dont strew me with roses after i'm dead, when death claims the light of my brow, no flowers of life will cheer me - instead you may give me my roses now.. :)

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

ONE WORD

During my first interview in London

‘Describe yourself in one word’, she said, as she stared at me with a warm but pushy smile. I never understood the purpose of these exercises. Especially didn't understand why we all had to sit in a circle exposing ourselves to the judging and inquisitive eyes of each and every person in the group. Isn't that the exact opposite of why I came here? To disappear? To be invisible? Just a face?


I heard about this strange group from a friend of mine who studied theatre. It was a group where you could just show up with a fake name, a fake life, a fake personality but very real problems and discuss them with complete strangers. ‘No specifics’, the group was called. How apt. I was told about it several years ago, found it very odd and useless at the time but had stowed it away in my memory for some reason completely unknown to me. It wasn't until several weeks after yet another failed love that the foggy memory of this group started piecing itself together in my mind. And before I knew it I was in the basement of an annoyingly multi-coloured building on the corner of a street whose walls were covered with graffiti and posters of RnB and Hip-hop parties.

‘Sonu? One word?’ she said again, the warmth of her pushy smile now spreading to her voice. ‘Urm, Indian?’ I asked unsure of what to say. ‘Come on, you can do better than that.’ I can do better than that. Really? How would she know? She doesn't even know my real name. ‘Give it a go. Don’t think too much. Just say the first word that comes to mind.’ So completely uncharacteristically I closed my eyes and waited to hear an inner-voice telling me what I was in one word. And without so much as a second chance, before my mind had the time to register what I was about to say, before I could stop myself and think about the word that was about to spew from my lips and stick on the walls, spill on the floors, fly out of the open windows into the world from where I could never ever take it back... out it came... my one word... “Puppy.”

“Hmm, puppy. Interesting. Why do you think that word describes you best?” she asked.

I don’t know what it was about this moment, why I had such clarity and such a profound need to share it with these complete strangers, but I started talking and sharing things even I was unaware of.

“I guess it’s because I am. I am a pathetic little puppy. Always needing attention and love. Always needing to be taken care of. Always falling in love with every woman who shows me even a little bit of affection. Always desperately in love. Letting them own me, put hands around my neck and take me for a ride. Letting them claim me. I'm pathetic. A lonely little puppy.” Like a waterfall my tears and my words came cascading out of me. And my feelings came bouncing to the surface like a buoy that refused to stay underwater.

I don’t know how long I sat on that chair for sobbing away. It felt like a few seconds but I know it was much longer because I couldn't see the sunlight outside any more and I had goose bumps from the chill that was sneaking in through the half closed windows. But for however long it was, those nameless strangers were there for me. Loving me. Giving me a little bit of their time. Just like they would to a lonely stray puppy on the corner of a street.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Let me love you one day at a time

Let me love you one day at a time, and please love me that very same way. We may never learn all there is to know about love, but every day together will teach us a little more about ourselves and the special kind of happiness we can bring to each other. One of the best things you've helped me learn is that love starts with being honest, speaking straight from how we really feel. I like how we've opened doors, and windows of our lives and invited each other to come in, look around and get acquainted. The more I'm with you, the more at home I feel. Let me love you one day at a time.



Why talk about "always" and say things we're not sure we mean, when we can talk about today and mean exactly what we say. Let's think of each sunrise as a fresh start, a brand new beginning... and try to fill each day with as much love as it can hold. I know you're not always going to be exactly the same person Sunday through Saturday, January through December, and neither am I. We both need laughing times and crying times... and time for every mood in between. The important thing is that you can be the kind of you that feels most natural and that I can be my most favourite kind of me. That's what makes us so comfortable together... it's also what keeps us from taking too much for granted. Let me love you one day at a time.



Let's not wonder how long love will last but how beautiful we can make it grow. Let's give our best to each other but, let's never expect miracles of our love. There's no need to... the reality of you and me is better than all the impossible dreams and fantasies I've ever imagined. Being with you is feeling proud, blessed, grateful for each hour we share. Let me love you, not according to any how-to-book, or by someone else's set of rules... but simply for who you are and how you are with me. And please love me, not for what I might be moulded into, but for what I am here and now. Don't expect me to be someone all good and all giving, someone who could never disappoint you... someone to right to be real and too perfect to be me. I'm just as human as anyone I know... and very thankful that you are too. Let's try to remember that love means keeping in touch with each other's thoughts and feelings... listening not just to words, but to the emotions behind them... seeing, not just the smiles and frowns but the hurt and pleasures that cause them.



Let me love you one day at a time, starting today. Let's have the courage to try to change whatever needs changing about us, and wisdom to know what should never be changed. Believing in ourselves and in our ability to handle whatever tomorrow brings... and trusting that this love we share will continue to grow stronger as the future years unfold... One Beautiful Day At A Time.

Friday, October 5, 2012

LAUGHTER


She laughed a contrived, awkward laugh. She knew very well the difference between humour and scorn. She was trying to ignore the greasy smell of cynicism that wafted from his words. But her laughter, however untrue, only encouraged him. He jubilantly continued to mock her beliefs, her faith, her family, her life, everything she considered herself to be made of and she just swallowed her anger and pride and laughed. He felt powerful, like a bully pushing a child half his size to the ground and repeatedly kicking her in the chest while she shielded herself with her hands knowing that neither mercy nor refuge would ever come. Except he used his words to put her down and she used her laughter to protect herself. That was the only purpose her laughter had now. To protect her. She never used her lips to smile, never used them to kiss, hardly ever to eat and even less to speak. But laugh she did. The repercussions of silence in front of him were far too loud. His incessant screaming hurt her too much. They made the kind of scars that couldn't be seen, the kind that couldn't be used as proof. When on several occasions she had tried to share the invisible violence she faced, it only made everyone think she complained too much and that was even worse to bear than the abuse she got from him. So she stayed silent to the world and laughed only for him... The sad thing about pretending is that if you do it long enough, everybody will start believing you. The tragic thing about pretending is that if you do it long enough, even you will start believing yourself. She had played along for so long now that everyone, including herself, thought she was happy. So when they found her body swaying gently in her bedroom with one end of the rope around her neck and the other around her ceiling fan, they called it a tragedy... not murder. Just like I do, ending with small poem

When life seems low after you’ve given it your all and
when people you love don’t help you when you fall if they’re the reason you’re sad
and you fret baby, don’t let it get to you.
Don’t regret. you stand by them
when they need you that’s what makes you who you are if they choose to bail
when you’re just a little frail it’s a pity they don’t see right through you they’re unlucky and really stupid!
Its not fair they don’t cherish you Cause if they knew what a gold mine they had around them
They’d dig you just like I do!
All these boyfriends, lovers and men you got And I’m still here to take your tears away
Just now,

its from across the miles!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Its easy to joke on a Sardar, but It's too difficult to be a Sardar


I was standing at jalandhar station when my attention went towards a Sikh youth standing near me wearing a Black turban having a long beard and wearing a kirpan over his shirt.
.....<>
After a while, one local train arrived, which was totally packed. The Sikh youth tried to alight the train but failed to do
so. Just then a voice was heard from the back coach 'Sardarji Barah Baj gaye' (Sir it's 12 o'clock!)

The Sikh youth looked over at that voice maker who was a young Mischievous type of person and instead of showing any anger made a smile towards him.

The smile made was so enigmatic that it seemed as if some type of truth lies behind it. Not able to resist my temptation, I walked towards him and asked why did he smile at that person who teased him.

The Sikh youth replied, 'He was not teasing me but was asking for my Help'. I was surprised with these words and he told me that there was a big history behind that which one should know. I was eager to know the History and the Sikh youth narrated:

During 17th Century, when Hindustan was ruled by Mughals, all the Hindu people were humiliated and were treated like animals. Mughals treated the Hindu women as there own property and were forcing all Hindus to accept Islam and even used to kill the people if they were refusing to accept.That time, our ninth Guru, Sri Guru Teg Bahadarji came forward, in response to a request of some Kashmir Pandits to fight against all these cruel activities.

Guruji told the Mughal emperor that if he could succeed in converting him to Islam, all the Hindus would accept the same. But, if he failed, he should stop all those activities. The Mughal emperor happily agreed to that but even after lots of torture to Guruji and his fellow members he failed to convert him to Islam and Guruji along with his other four fellow members, were tortured and sacrificed their lives in Chandni Chowk. Since the Mughals were unable to convert them to Islam they were assassinated.

Thus Guruji sacrificed his life for the protection of Hindu religion.

Can anybody lay down his life and that too for the protection of another religion?
This is the reason he is still remembered as "Hind Ki Chaddar", shield of India. For the sake of whom he had sacrificed his life, none of them came forward to lift his body, fearing that they would also be assassinated.

Seeing this incident our 10th Guruji, Sri Guru Gobind Singhji (Son of Guru Teg Bahadarji) founder of khalsa made a resolution that he would convert his followers to such human beings who would not be able to hide themselves and could be easily located in thousands. At the start, the Sikhs were very few in numbers as they were fighting against the Mughal emperors. At that time, Nadir Shah raided Delhi in the year 1739 and looted Hindustan and was carrying lot of Hindustan treasures and nearly 2200 Hindu women along with him. The news spread like a fire and was heard by Sardar Jassa Singh who was the Commander of the Sikh army at that time. He decided to attack Nadir Shah's Kafila on the same midnight. He did so and rescued all the Hindu women and they were safely sent to their homes.

It didn't happen only once but thereafter whenever any Abdaalis or Iranis had attacked and looted Hindustan and were trying to carry the treasures and Hindu women along with them for selling them in Abdal markets, the Sikh army although fewer in numbers but were brave hearted and attacked them at midnight, 12 O'clock and rescued women.

After that time when there occurred a similar incidence, people started to contact the Sikh army for their help and Sikhs used to attack the raider's at Midnight, 12 O'clock. Nowadays, these "smart people" and some Sikh enemies who are afraid of Sikhs, have spread these words that at 12 O'clock, the Sikhs go out of their senses. This historic fact was the reason which made me smile over that person as I thought that his Mother or Sister would be in trouble and wants my help and was reminding me by saying off 'Sardarji Barah Baj Gaye'.

do forward this message to all ur friends so they can know about sikh history & its a humble appeal... sikh DHARAM WARGA KOI DHARAM NAHI TE NAHI HONA AA...

Friday, August 31, 2012

PAST, PRESENT, FUTURE

Bits and pieces of a long gone past
Taped together somehow.
Floating into an unknown future
Did I ever exist in the now?

Akin spirits lost just like me
Forming what I call my life.
Slaves of routine, aimlessness
Marching to the fife.

What am I then, if I don’t live in the present?
Waiting for each moment to be gone?
Waking up to find that my life’s lost and over
Passing over dejected and forlorn.

Sometimes I wonder what I’ve been doing
How did I end up here?
From a carefree child to a complicated adult
I soared so fast it’s a blur.

If only I could unscrew my mind!
Open it to move things around!
Figure out how that damn thing works,
So I can retrace how I got to my now.

“Don’t live in the past, don’t fret over the future
Live each moment as it comes!”
Whoever said that is either very happy
Or to the sadness has already succumbed.


Because I try my best, to do my best.
But the past somehow catches up with me.
Leaving me stressed,
Completely depressed,
Until I can no more believe.

I have these moments when I’m happy and smiling,
What the world seems to know me by.
Fooling them all! And sometimes myself
Locking up what’s really inside.

That’s how I interact and communicate with others.
With a barrier that I cant seem to break.
But I’m trying, and this writing is an attempt,
To destroy in me all that is fake.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Nothing is impossible


Who said India is lacking behind. Here is the example.

Govind Jaiswal IAS!


Govind Jaiswal, 24, the son of an uneducated
rickshaw puller in Varanasi, had
grown up with cruel taunts like
‘However much you study, you will still
be a rickshawpuller.’ He had studied
with cotton stuffed in his ears to drown the noise of printing machines and
generators below his window in a poor
neighbourhood where small workshops
existed cheek by jowl with tiny
residential quarters.

He had given Math tuitions to
supplement the paltry sum his father
could afford to send him each month.
His ailing father had sold a small plot of
land to give Govind about Rs 40,000 so
that he could move to Delhi which would provide him a better place to
study.

Throughout his life, he had lived with
only one dream — to become an officer
of the Indian Administrative Service. For
him that was the only way. And when
he broke the news to his family, that he
was ranked 48 among 474 successful candidates in his first attempt at the
exam — it was the turn of his three
sisters and father to weep with
unbridled joy.

Icould not afford to have any other
career goal. My life would have been
absolutely futile had I not made it into
the civil services,” says Govind, just back
from his medicals in New Delhi,
mandatory for the IAS.

“You must understand that my
circumstances were such that besides
the Civil Services, I had no option. I
didn’t have much of a chance with
lower government jobs because they
are mostly fixed, neither could I start a business because I had no money. The
only thing I could do was work hard at
my studies.”

It was almost impossible for him to
study in the one room he shared with
his family. To add to his woes was the
power cut that extended between 10
and 14 hours every day. The moment
the lights went out, he had to shut the window to block out the deafening
noise of generators in the many
workshops around his home.

So in search for a quiet place to study,
he briefly shared a friend’s room at the
Banaras Hindu University. Since that did
not help him much, he did what many
civil services aspirants in northern India
do — he moved to New Delhi.

Working for ten years at the
government ration shop, Narayan
earned a living by weighing goods at
the store. One day when the shop shut
down, he bought one rickshaw and
hired it out. He added three more and at one time was prosperous enough to
own about 36 rickshaws.

On his meager earnings, the uneducated
rickshaw vendor with a hearing
disability continued the education of his
children. The girls were married after
their graduation — Narayan sold two
pieces of land for the weddings, the last plot was sold to achieve his Govinda’s
dream.

Narayan gave his son Rs 40,000 to
prepare for his Civil Services exam in
New Delhi and pursue his childhood
dream of becoming an IAS officer. For
the next three years, he sent his son
between Rs 2,500 and Rs 3,000 every month, sometimes foregoing the
expense of treating the septic wound in
his foot that continues to nag him till
today.

Outside his narrow lane, opposite the
Varanasi City railway station, where
Narayan Jaiswal parks his rickshaws
and spends most of his waking hours,
he still walks barefooted with a
bandage, one end hanging loose and scraping the dirty road.

“Beyond this year, my father could not
have afforded to send Govind any more
money. It was getting very tough for
him. Govind was earning Rs 1,500 from
tuitions, I don’t know what he would
have done if he didn’t make it to the IAS this year. My father could not sleep
for 10 days before the results came,”
says Govind’s eldest sister Nirmala,
whose son is almost the same age as
her brother.

Until now, courier delivery boys found
his house with great difficulty but now
even the fruit cart-wallah, one-and-a-
half kilometres away, will tell you
where the ‘IAS’ house is...

Hatsoff to both

Lead with an example for change you want to see.

Long Live India

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

A DYING BREED

I am 28 years old and I am growing up in a world of extremism. A rapidly growing outlet for anger has changed from exchanging of a few harsh words and holding of collars to a bullet. The only noticeable expression of a comfortable life has changed from healthy meals and shopping sprees once a month to setting up camp in malls, at least 3 cars for the two members of your family and an Armani wrist watch on your hand. The Jeans are getting shorter, the tops are getting lower, TV screens are getting bigger and religion no more echoes faith in anything larger than life but has become a business. The more we move towards the glowing light emitting from dollar bills and pounds, the blinder we are becoming to the littered streets of our nation. The more we get hypnotized by the sound of gold coins clinking together, the deafer we are to the voices of the poor. Money is no more a medium of payment to buy and sell goods. Instead, it has become a pass to neglect morality, social responsibility, law, heck even traffic lights. A pass “GUARANTEED BY THE CENTRAL GOVERNMENT” in case you have any legal reservations and stamped with Gandhiji’s smiling face on it in case you have any moral reservations. The world is tumbling into a pit of chaos and there is no gravity defying superhero in sight to save us.

But there is hope. And the realization of this hope can only come if people my age listen. Listen, learn and rectify. It seems as though the new parents, those in between the generation that my parents belong to and the generation I belong to, have relinquished responsibility and left parenting up to televisions and computers. Boundaries that are important to maintain a healthy growing atmosphere are becoming blurred because parents push their children to extremes to help them keep up with the extremism. In keeping up with school, extra tuition, football classes, dance classes, swimming classes, art classes, birthdays and endless banal social obligations, the time for parents to discipline and germinate a conscience in their children has disappeared. And it took the entire breed of distinguished parents who truly understood how to raise responsible human beings along with it.

But there is still hope. The hope is with you and me. Spend time with your children when you have them. Remember their birthdays because you’re happy they were born and not because it is an opportunity to flaunt your money by throwing a party. Buy them what they need, even occasionally what they want; don’t buy them everything. Don’t be embarrassed by their public tantrums and give in to their every demand. When they get their first job, don’t ask about the pay. Instead, pop down to Archie's and buy them a card. Don’t be afraid to hurt their feelings if you’re doing it for their own good. Give them pocket money not blank cheques. And most importantly, remember everything your parents did while raising you that annoyed you the most, and do it. They were the ones trying to salvage the dying breed. So listen to them, learn from them and then perhaps we can rectify the extremism we’re living in.

Friday, July 27, 2012

When stories end

Like a small piece of land in the middle of an ocean
my heart’s sinking in the sea.
My arms flailing bout,
there’s not a shadow of doubt
I’m about to sink beneath.

I’m screaming in sorrow, I’m screaming in pain.
There’s no one around to hear.
All the pretty friendly fishes
turning into shark-like witches,
Feeding off my primal fear.

It’s the fear that consumes me, the fear that destroys
A fear chilling to the bone.
Colder than the icy waters
in which my heart slowly flutters –
It’s the fear of being alone.

I can hear your fake cackling echoing in your hollow soul.
Our friendship mortified.
My heart can’t grow gills
In anger it wills
that our friendship dies.

I guess it’s the same sadness, the very same fear,
that forces you to be one of them.
Selfish and conniving.
Lying and depraving.
I think its time for the end to begin.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

It seems I always break silences with poems

I've been writing in my own journal lately, filling it with my thoughts. I don't know if it's more selfish not to share my thoughts or to share them without being absolutely sure they're accurate. I don't know. Anyway, I wrote a poem tonight inspired by my own thoughts coupled with Donald Miller's newest book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. In it he talks about the idea that we remember those things that are exciting or different or the days we went the extra mile to make special. I don't remember a lot of my past. I wonder if it's because I've lived a really boring life. Comfortable, yes. But boring. I've dreamed of living an exciting life. I have all these visions of what I would have done if I was one of those people who live life in real boldness. Anyway, that's what the poem's about, and I thought I could share this.

I want to live it out loud,
Drink in deep.
Remember the times we waited
For the world to fall asleep
Then we ran, farther than allowed
Knee deep in darkness,
Drowning in life
Hoping we weren't dreaming
Under this glittering sky.

Oh, I can’t remember.
I can’t remember.
Maybe it slipped away from my grip
But I know that if I wander too far I will trip
Into that memory, as false at as it is,
Fabricated in a desperate half-attempt to live.
Boring, it’s so boring.
I’ve forgotten it all,
No real memories to hold on too
So into false ones I fall.

Standing up, standing out.
Blacktop gleaming, wetness stenching.
Rain dripping, dropping, drenching.
Tongue out, unashamed.
Washed by the holy springtime rain.
Remember when we danced in the streets?
No shoes, no worries, no thought of the memories we’d create.
Oh, how we laughed and cried as we sang
Hands outstretched, scolding the rain
As it fell and splashed in our mouth.
Such beauty we became as we danced in nature’s well.
Rebirthed, restirred, renamed.

Oh, I can’t remember.
I can’t remember.
Maybe it slipped away from my grip
But I know that if I wander too far I will trip
Into that memory, as false at as it is,
Fabricated in a desperate half-attempt to live.
Boring, it’s so boring.
I’ve forgotten it all,
No real memories to hold on too
So into false ones I fall.

So, Write me a story
Of meaning and truth.
Something more than this life stuck on mute.
Dear scribe, write me a song
Then let the sirens sing
And let me drink in that music
Let it sink in and sting
Till I’m drunk on the words,
And I crash this old boat.
Let my false memories burn in the back of my throat.
Cling to these rocks and pray for new life,
Speak to me hope in those beautiful words.
Then we’ll break from our cage, love,
And take flight like the birds.
We’ll break from this cage, love,
And take flight like the birds.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

The Story of the Cliff

They’re tearing at me
Ghasty fingers crawl over my skin
Pulling.
“Come!” they cry
“We can fill that empty hole.”
Indeed there it is, where my heart should be there was a chasm
It was deep and the edges were sharp
Like it had been carelessly carved out
I put my hand to my chest
And felt the emptiness,
The dark substance-lacking air that filled that space
And still the fingers pulled
Pricking and tugging
Pulling my hair, pinching my skin
And I wept.
In front of me stretched the edge of a cliff.
It looked terrifying. Black rock, red backdrop.
The bottom was clouded in darkness.
And it was away from the edge these fingers pulled me.
“Come!” they cry
“This is dangerous. We want to protect you.
Come where it is comfortable and your heart will be filled.”
Oh, the struggle within. The choice seemed so easy. But a haunting song seemed to call me forward to the edge. While the fingers pulled me back.
Forces clashing armor against armor inside of me,
No white horses verses black horses.
All the knights were dressed the same,
Wolves in sheep’s clothing
But I couldn’t tell who was who
And it raged
And my insides ached
I grew weary from the conflict,
Weary of the noises.
I wanted to silence it all,
The haunting song and the voices that beckoned me backward.
I began to shut myself down, like a flashlight out of battery.
I numbed myself to all.
The fight doesn’t seem worth it, I thought.
So I sat down.
The fingers still pricked, but I didn’t feel them.
The cliff still called but I didn’t listen.
I just sat.
And sat.
And sat.
And sat.
Until one day I rose my hand to my chest and felt the hole that had been carved
And I ran my fingers around the edge,
The sharp, jagged edges
And it pricked me
I drew back my finger and a drop of blood rose to the skin.
And I had a feeling,
A thought.
A remembrance of what is was like to live engaged in the world.
I remembered the pain and the beauty and hurt and the joy
And all at once my ears were opened again,
And the noises were deafening.
My eyes opened and the ground was shaking
The world had not stopped as I had supposed.
It raged on.
It was chaotic, overpowering.
The fingers tugged,
“Come,” they cried
“Where there is no pain. We can take you there.”
The sirens song rose up from the cliff’s edge.
And I shook at the experience of it all.
My body trembled.
I tried to throw off the hands that clutched me.
And I ran to the edge,
Staring down into what seemed like nothingness.
It was uncertainty.
Jumping surly meant death.
I leaned over,
The voices growing frantic behind me,
Beckoning me to retreat
“Come back!” they cried
“Come back!”
“Why should I do this?!” I yelled into the cavern.
“Why should I choose this? What will you do about this hole in my chest?!”
I sobbed, emotions of desperation, fury, and hope pulsed through my veins.
“What do you want from me?!” I cried.
The haunting melody drifted up from the cavern.
I realized for the first time that there were words interlaced in the song,
Why hadn’t I heard them before?
They sang this:
“Die to self, Oh beloved
And learn to live again
Nothing can fill that hole
Or completely heal the pain within.
But We too have holes,
In our hands and our side
We suffered for you
Come, oh Bride
Prepare yourself
For Our kingdom is near
It is not man,
But it is us you should fear.
We won’t take all your pain away
We won’t make you whole
Not in this life anyway,
Can We complete your soul.
But We came to you to feel your pain,
To make each tear our own
If you take a chance with us,
You will never be alone.
We forgive your fear and yours sin are washed
If you decide to come,
It is hard,
But it’s truth
So, jump, beloved one.”
No promise of ease
Or of my desires being fulfilled came from the song that echoed through the rocks.
The ghastly fingers gripped harder,
Their voices stronger.
“Come!” they cried,
“We have a place with no pain.
We have a place with no sorrow!
Come!”
“Liars!” I screamed
And I jumped.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Karma and Dharma- Hinduism

He is dancing inside this net that can not be torn out and escaped even by the strongest man.

If he closes all the doors and kills a person and disposes the body, he may escape from the punishments of law today. But, he will be caught in some other case and be punished twice the normal punishment for that offence. Because, he has done that crime under the laws of karma.

A person may speak like a pure leader and cheat the innocent people, and he may escape from the law that day. But, one day, he will be caught red handed and his real face will be shown to the outer world.

A person may get bribes and escapes from the punishments today. But, he will definitely be caught one day and the whole world will come to know about him. If he escapes in this birth, this karma will be carried out and he will be punished severely in his next birth.

A king consulted an astrologer who is very accurate in his predictions. The king asked how long he will live further.

The astrologer after calculation told that the king: “You will die next month on 5 th July at 7 am by being bitten by a snake as you killed a brahmana by throwing a snake inside his house in your last birth.”

The king got angry. He shouted: “If your predictions become wrong, I will severe your head from your body.. I will prove this fate as wrong and take yr head on 6th July.”

The king asked the servants to arrange a bed at the top empty terace of the palace and close all the doors and windows that gives way to the terrace. He also told them that not even an ant should come to the top floor on 5th july.

On 4 th july evening itself, he went to the empty terrace and lied on the bed closing all the entries to the terrace. He felt very safe that no snake can enter the top terrace. So, he peacefully slept.

Next morning, the king was still asleep at 7 am. In the sky, a Garuda was holding a cobra with its legs. When that Garuda came just above the terrace where the king was peacefully asleep, that snake escaped from Garuda’s hold and fell down exactly on that sleping king. As that snake was very angry being held by that garuda, it strongly bit that king. The king died exactly at 7 am.

Thus, even a king could not escape from the bad karma he did in his previous birth. What about us?

So, the people should never think that they can do anything within the closed walls deceiving others. Their concrete doors can not screen the eyes of the Laws Of Karma. Because, this network has been designed by God Himself to maintain dharma in the world.

One may deceive the people; But, he can not deceive the laws of the Lord. Because, he is tied with His laws that he is unable to realise.

Karma and Dharma the two dominant forces of Hinduism.

Monday, June 25, 2012

I want to be six again...

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of a six year old again. I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks. I want to think M&Ms are better than money, because you can eat them. I want to play kickball during recess and paint with watercolors in art. I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summers' day.
I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, addition tables and simple nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care. When all you knew was to be happy because you didn't know all the things that should make you worried and upset. I want to think that the world is fair. That everyone in it is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible.

Somewhere in my youth...I matured and I learned too much. I learned of nuclear weapons, war, prejudice, starvation and abused children. I learned of lies, unhappy marriages, suffering, illness, pain and death. I learned of a world where men left their families to go and fight for our country, and returned only to end up living on the streets...begging for their next meal. I learned of a world where children knew how to kill...and did!!

What happened to the time when we thought that everyone would live forever, because we didn't grasp the concept of death? When we thought the worst thing in the world was if someone took the jump rope from you or picked you last for kickball? I want to be oblivious to the complexity of life and be overly excited by little things once again. I want to return to the days when reading was fun and music was clean. When television was used to report the news or for family entertainment and not to promote sex, violence and deceit. I remember being naive and thinking that everyone was happy because I was. I would walk on the beach and only think of the sand between my toes and the prettiest seashell I could find. I would spend my afternoons climbing trees and riding my bike. I didn't worry about time, bills or where I was going to find the money to fix my car. I used to wonder what I was going to do or be when I grew up, not worry about what I'll do if this doesn't work out.

I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness and loss of loved ones. I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind and making angels in the snow.

I want to be six again.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Inspired by a Friend

He was running. But after the first several miles his head started to buzz, and he forgot what it was he was running from in the first place. He thought he was living the life that most average people only dream of, but he was slowly realizing that living there meant he had stopped dreaming altogether.

He loved her at first. He loved her for all the months they were together. And he loved her still, even though she claimed her affections were long since dead, buried in the memory keepsake box with all the drawings and love letters he’d written for her. He’d given her his soul, really. He trusted her to take care of it, but she broke it and broke it again and again every day they were apart. His chest alternated between burning with searing pain and then feeling nothing at all, numbed to everything, like a chair or an old sweater, something not human.

Where did it go wrong? he wondered. He often sat, thumbing through his memories of her like a beloved scrapbook album, one that has the edge of the pages worn since it’s been gone through so many times. Slowly, though, as he reached the end of the album, the facial expressions changed. Her beautiful smile became a frown, and his own adoring glances became possessive and desperate.

He loved her because she flitted, like a bird or a butterfly or something. Could never stay in one place too long. She was adventurous, with big dreams and big ideas, never settling for what had been handed to her by the world and never letting herself be forced into what people thought she should be. She was strong. Her eyes twinkled at the idea of new opportunity, and her laughter was like glitter thrown up into the wind. He always wondered how he was lucky enough to be the one standing close to her, letting the sparkles dance on his skin.

But there wasn’t any glitter anymore. The last remnants of sparkle were starting to flake off the skin on his arms. He was terrified that it might be gone forever. Fear. Fear of losing her. He’d lost so much, and she’d been hurt so much. He wasn’t going to let that happen again. At all costs he would protect her. At all costs he would protect the one thing left that he loved before it slipped away.

But he couldn’t protect her if she didn’t want to be near him. Stupid, he muttered to himself. He wanted forever, and she wanted a new adventure. He’d tried to tame the wild in her, to ground the lighting with himself as the rod, to love the thing that flitted without letting it flit away. Stupid, he muttered to himself.

It was all his fault. He’d stifled her. He’d tried to contain her. And she finally burst free, leaving him in shambles, the rodeo cowboy with a broken nose and black eye watching his beautiful black stallion race away with his hope at finally winning.

Winning what? At anything, really. Love. Winning at love. But you can’t win love. Ugh. He felt all jumbled up inside, like someone took all his insides, put them in blender, and made him swallow it again. He felt like throwing it all up.

He kept wondering how he’d gotten here. I mean, really it was the same scenery he’d always seen. Same dingy walls and quiet streets. But inside of himself he felt disjointed and lost among the familiar. He kept looking in the mirror, searching for some hint of identity in his eyes. But they felt hollow and dull and answerless.

He had no answers left for himself. He’d run out of ideas and excuses. He’d lost his identity because he put all of himself in her, and she’d done the same in him. She just realized it before he did and pulled the plug, claiming back what was herself. Now, it was his turn.

He tried to show her love. He tried to teach her love. But somewhere along the way he’d forgotten what love was. He was now the one who needed teaching. Oh, he had loved her, no doubt. But he now had to find what love looked like without her.

“You have persevered and have endured hardships for My name. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.